Anxiety on the airplane, or anxiety of flying, affects a significant number of people. In my family, my father-in-law will not fly due to extreme anxiety. He only had a couple of flights in his lifetime, the last one took place in the early 1990’s on a cross-Atlantic trip from Moncton, New Brunswick, Canada, to Ireland. When talking about the trip to Ireland, he recalls every detail of the places they visited, the Irish folk they chatted with, and the joys of driving on the left side of the road and accommodating a rental car that would not drive in reverse. In other words, he had a grand time in Ireland! But what he will not talk about is the flight there and back.
You see, my mother-in-law, my wife, and I have been trying to get him to fly again so that he can reach a distant place and explore new locales and cultures, as his trip to Ireland was so enjoyable and he would most likely enjoy other overseas places. But when talk about flying to faraway destinations comes up, he would clam up and not speak any further about such endeavors. It is clear he has an extreme fear of flying, so much so that he deprives himself of traveling and experiencing new destinations. I try to talk to him that he can go to his doctor and ask for medications to help take the edge off, but he will not have any part of that. I even mention that gradual exposure may help, like taking short flights that last less than an hour, and gradually build up to an overseas flight, but again, he will not have any part of that.
But of course, who am I to say such ludicrous things? I’m only a psychiatrist, but family and friends tend to shrug at my recommendations, and some even tell me what the psychology is behind the feelings and behaviors that are impeding their pursuit of happiness or not realizing an intended goal. I think people do that as a defense mechanism in the form of denial, so that they don’t have to hear from a shrink that they are inherently the cause of their own distress and uncomfortable feelings, such as anxiety. So people tend to intellectualize and come up with their own ideas about why they feel and behave the way that they do. Another defense mechanism is avoidance, which is so common with anxiety.
At the end of the day, my father-in-law is a lovely, considerate, and kind man- the kind of man you would want to have as a father-in-law. But it is a shame that he is not able to face his fears of flying, so that he can experience, with his family, the joys and wonders of traveling to faraway places, which can only be reached by airplane.
If you are suffering from a fear of flying, please seek help, as only then will you be able to have travel experiences and share them with loved ones, who want you to travel with them. Don’t be left at home while your loved ones are away on vacation- get help now.
