Could this feeling of wanting constant peace and no arguments be due to a childhood experience?

Hi. It’s Jenny at AnxietyBoss.com. Our question today is from John in San Diego. I despise confrontation. If someone confronts me about something, I do everything I can to avert the conversation so that I don’t experience panic attacks. What can I do? Could this feeling of wanting constant peace and no arguments be due to a childhood experience?

Could this feeling of wanting constant peace and no arguments be due to a childhood experience? This may be very troublesome when you feel that you wish to share your true opinion toward something, but hold it back in the fear of you may spark an argument. Fortunately, there are several helpful techniques to overcome this fear.

It’s important to realize when something is worth getting upset or worked up over. Some arguing is healthy. It shows that you are independent and you know how to stand your ground. In fact, some people actually find that when you fight back, they respect you even more.

It’s also important to understand that just because you disagree with something, it doesn’t mean that an argument will begin. It simply means you’re human and have a mind of your own. If you know that you will be confronted about something, take some time to plan out what you’ll say. Don’t make it sound like you’re presenting a high school speech, though, make it clear that you know what you’re talking about. And if you don’t know what you’re talking about, then find something to discuss that you do have knowledge on.

In this process, make sure that you plan your words well so that they don’t sound accusative which may cause a bigger disagreement. Instead, say something like “I believe” or “I noticed” may serve as better ground for your discussion. However, it’s important that you don’t lose that ground in the midst of your conversation. Also the person who speaks first holds the ground for the remainder of this discussion by setting the tone. You may also find this easier because you’re getting out what you’re planning to say right off the bat.

The most essential part of overcoming this fear of confrontation is self-confidence. Remind yourself that you deserve to show the world your gifts and to share your thoughts. Don’t let anybody stand in the way of that.