A spouse’s death can trigger great stress. One loses one’s life partner, possibly the single person who knew you the best, which can leave a terrible sense of loneliness, loss, and sadness. But the loss of one’s partner can also spur fears and frightening questions. What comes next? Will one be able to manage one’s finances? What if one is also at risk for illness and declining health? Everyone’s questions will be different, but all hinge on fears of the consequences of the loss and whether one can cope with the new reality. Such fear can spur symptoms of anxiety, and once it takes root, anxiety begets more anxiety, more fears.
Although people handle the loss of spouses differently, research has found that such loss often leads to predictable problems. The course of such problems is affected by factors such as one’s gender, age, loss of economic resources, one’s ability to earn an income, available social support, and whether one also experiences depression.
Offering a portrait of widows and widowers drawn from the clinical psychiatric literature, Zisook and colleagues (1990) reported that first seven months after loss of spouse are often the hardest, when severe anxiety symptoms may occur. In a study of men and women whose spouses died of cancer, Gilbar and Dagan (1995) reported that widows typically have the harder time of it, showing greater levels of anxiety and other problems compared to widowers.
Ong et al. (2005) examined the relationship between anxiety, stress, and reports of mastery of daily tasks and problems in a sample of older widows. They found that the women who reported greater degrees of mastery over daily problems did not have anxiety symptoms that were driven by stress. On the other hand, the women who had less mastery over daily events (and consequently greater levels of chronic stress) had anxiety that was closely linked to stressful daily events. In other words, all things being equal, widows (especially those in the bereavement period) lack the “shock-absorbers” that buffer them from daily stress and hassles. These daily hassles then probably fuel anxiety. Confidence in one’s ability to master problems provides these emotional shock-absorbers. Widows with such a sense of mastery may still have some level of anxiety, but their levels of anxiety are not a slave of the day to day difficulties that they run into.
Because most women outlive their husbands, there are more studies on widows than on widowers. However, in recent years there have been several studies on widowers. Some of these research studies have found that anxiety symptoms are also common among widowers following the death of a spouse. An interesting finding reported by Tudiver et al. (1991), and one that runs counter to most research on widowers, is that the consequences of anxiety and other problems seems to be worse among younger widowers (under age 65) than among older widowers. The younger widowers were significantly more distressed and anxious in the Tudiver et al. study.
After a period of bereavement, the surviving spouse typically recovers from the immediate fears and anxieties spurred by the loss. Things get better, all things being equal. Having income or money, friends, and hobbies can spur this recovery. Of course, everyone’s situation is unique. If you find yourself having a difficult time with adjustment after the death of a spouse, one has a number of options. Getting involved with friends, one’s work, or a church are common sources of relief and recover. Asking one’s doctor for help is another option.
In summary, the loss of a spouse can trigger great stress and induce anxiety. The anxiety is modified based on factors such as age, economic resources, one’s ability to earn an income, available social support, and whether one also experiences depression. If you still suffer from severe anxiety more than seven months after the death of your spouse, a visit to a mental health professional may be useful. Psychiatrists may consider medication for individuals with protracted anxiety symptoms following a spouse’s death, although again, every situation is unique.
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I am a 49 year old widow of 6 years. My kids were 10 & 12 when their father (age 41) died of cancer. I struggle with anxiety attacks on a regular basis. Contrary to what you are saying, I was one of those that appears to be doing “well” and managing. During the 6 years, we have moved across the country because I do not believe my husband’s family grief was good for my children…for some reason, they started treating them like they were “my” kids and the product of a divorce instead of remembering that they were their daddy’s most prize possession. I also attend and graduated from nursing school and got a good job in one of the top hospitals in our state. Maybe it is the mix of the stress of trying to make sure they kids grow up with a happy childhood in spite of their daddy dying, or the stress of moving, or the stress of going into an abusive school program (nursing’s dirty little secret), or just the stress of my job (if I make a mistake…even a little one, and it can physically or mentally harm a real live person). I have even tried dating a little bit. However, if left on my own, I’d probably not get out of bed most days. But I do, and I plaster a smile on my face…and I go out and people don’t even remember or know that he died and I am a big mess of mush which struggles to exist between feeling no emotions and feeling ones so strong that I want to just give up on a daily basis. Where are the studies about grieving this far out? Based on a few internet friends whom I have rode this ride with…plenty of us widows & widowers who appear to be doing “just fine” and even thriving, turn out to be just really good at putting on a good face and forcing ourselves out of bed each morning. Honestly, I’d be considered “a success story” but I sure don’t feel like it. Dying would still be an improvement to living.
I am 2 years out from my husband’s suicide. After the shock the numbness wore down, I really didn’t feel anything but pain at that point. Now I’m getting into dealing more with crying jags and anxiety. I have 3 active kids and have been told to fake-it-tell I make it BS. I too would be considered doing very well in everyone’s account but feel like a raging cluster of insecurity, saddness, anger anxiety. . . I feel like pandora’s box. If i didn’t have my children I would not feel like going to work, takeing a shower or even breathing. I feel overwhelmed. I have been to multiple therapists, counseled, grief specialists, suicide support groups and my Primary care doctor. Because they/we focus on the suicide it actually makes me feel worse for several days after a session. Family/friends have moved on so i don’t feel supported just very alone. From one mess to another, take it day by day or hour by hour, today is a minute by minute kinda day for me.
Dear Ms. Swope,
Thank you for your share. Having a spouse suicide is very difficult for people to comprehend, so many chose to avoid the surviving partner and family. And you are right, the focus on the suicide just seems to keep the moods low, so I don’t know why therapists and support groups would continue such focus on depressing subjects. The goal of therapy and support groups is to feel better, not worse. Maybe it’s time to make new friends who don’t know too much about your spouse who suicided. Maybe it’s time to find meaningful work. Maybe it’s time to join a group of people that you enjoy, like a walking/jogging group, church group, book club, dining club, etc. Maybe it’s time to tell your therapist that what they are doing is making you feel worse, and how to remedy that.
I am a widow of five years whose husband died of cancer while my boys were teenagers and have experienced much of the same thing expressed by C Rabon. I can’t help but believe that this must be a common phenomenon. I too have “done well” and I thoroughly grieved his death at the time and continue to do so, although time has softened the intensity (not the sadness or level that I miss him, just the intensity). I take offense when people tell me maybe I am still struggling because I did not grieve properly. The reality is that I miss him and that I am still overwhelmed by the task of caring for my children alone and the regret that he is not here for them. I don’t like it when people want to give pat answers to the fact that it is still difficult this many years later. There is no expiration date on missing the person who was our partner and the love of our lives. One piece of advice I have to give myself constantly is to get over the guilt that I am not all fixed up and remarried and moved on. I think it is okay. I think we just have to develop our own ways of dealing with the moments of great anxiety where we feel alone in this battle. Experts and counselors are great, but I think trusting our own gut and reaching out to others who truly have had to tackle this is the best medicine there is. Take care of yourself and your children and don’t feel guilty that you aren’t all fixed up yet. The fact that you can even express your continued struggle in the way that you have shows that you are still making progress.
Well stated Amy. When people state you have not grieved properly, then it is invalidating to you, and does not accurately describe your true experiences of the loss. Thanks to Ms. Rabon for opening up this thread on an important topic.
I am a 63-year-old widower. Was married for 40 years. We married right out of high school. Raised five kids together. I’m at the three-year mark. I have finally stopped sobbing in the car on my motorcycle when I’m driving on the road and think of her. With all the corny clichés out there I really don’t want to use one at this point. But don’t believe anyone when they say you’ll get over it or you’ll get through it or time will heal it. None of that’s true. The hole in your life just becomes part of your life. And you’re mind just gets used to accepting the fact that your Life will be different. My advice is to let yourself physically and emotionally grieve. Don’t hold back don’t Haidet let it happen. I believe it’s the healthiest thing you can do. The hole in your heart will soften. I can tell you that now at the three-year mark the blow has softened. I still have to be careful who I’m with and where I am when I tell certain stories because I know I’m going to break into tears. The anger has passed. For the most part!
Thanks for sharing Tim.
THANKS so much for your comment…made me feel understood. Husband gone 3yrs and people just expect me to be BETTER whatever that means….right? I’m 76 still young in old folks eyes but find myself digging out everyday to put on the “face” so they can all move on. How crazy is that….but that’s the direction. I was a counselor for years and the thing I’ve learned is that I gave direction when I couldn’t have completely understood. As always it takes being there to get.
Dear Ms. Rabon,
Thank you for sharing your story. It has been several years since your husband’s death, but it sounds like you have been on automatic pilot, picking up the pieces, raising your young children, and starting a new career. The problem with grief is that if you don’t go through the process of grieving, then those emotions associated with it will just take hold and worsen with time. So when you said you moved away from your husband’s family grief, you may have been avoiding the grieving process for yourself. Please talk to your doctor or find a therapist, as you may now be exhibiting depression. I’m sorry for your loss, but please seek help immediately. If you have depression, and once it is treated successfully, then you will find that living is better than dying. I am impressed with your resilience and courage to make it this far on your own as a single parent.
Regards,
Dr. Carlo
Ms. Rabon, I only lost my husband a little over two months ago. It was sudden and unexpected. We have no children, but do have animals—four cats. My husband and I did everything together. He was my support person (I’ve had an anxiety disorder with agoraphobic tendencies off and on for most of my life—I’m 57 now). I also was diagnosed with an autoimmune condition a couple of years ago. I know how you are feeling. That desire to sometimes just stay in bed, not getting up or even moving, can be overwhelming. But, someone has to take care of the animals, since they cannot help themselves, so I force myself every morning to get up and take care of things. I worry about finances, since part of our income was taken away when my husband died. (I want to see a counselor and do have medical insurance, but I’d be looking at a co-payment every week, which would add up to another $160.00 a month.) My husband did everything around the house and took loving care of me and now, I’m faced with trying to do it all. Alone. I have family members, but they just keep telling me that “I’m stronger than I think”, meaning, they don’t want to be burdened with me or my grief. My brother in law actually sat in my living room and told me that since he doesn’t “get” what it’s like to have an anxiety disorder, I should expect him to get angry with me from time to time, but not to worry, because he’ll eventually speak to me again. Wow. Um, thanks??? I know that it has not been long since I lost my wonderful husband, but I’m frightened to look into the future because I’m afraid I’ll just see more of the same. I am considering attending a grief support group at the funeral home who handled my husband’s arrangements, just to see if it will be of some benefit. I’ve also begun writing a journal to get many of my feelings out of my head and onto the page. I wish you much comfort, Ms. Rabon, and success as you deal wth your anxiety. I only wanted you to know that you are not alone.
Dear Terri,
I’m sorry for your loss, and it sounds like you have insensitive family members. Thank you for sharing and helping Ms. Rabon with your words of encouragement.
Best Regards,
Dr. Carlo
Terri, I can relate to what you are saying. My husband passed away last August after 42 years of marriage and a long illness. I was his caregiver during the illness and when he went to the hospital, so did I. He hated it and would give everyone a hard time if I wasn’t there.
We were both retired and spent 24/7 together for the last 10 years. Now it’s as though my existance has stopped. I find myself hating to go to the mall or shopping alone, and i cannot bring myself to go out to eat alone. We have 7 children, all married and older now, who are very supportive, but I feel i need to become independent. That’s harder than it looks. i recently drove from ort home in the midwest to Florida to visit our children who live here. They all work and I had such grand ideas of how I would spend my days while here, only to find I don’t enjoy doing things alone. So I have days when i just watch TV, or stay at the house ratherthan go anywher alone. i miss his company and despite family and friends, nothing sems to fill the void. I hope this will improve, but I have found that just changing locations, didn’t make things easier. i hope time will make me more confident in my beingh social alone. i think the anxiety comes from the sense of not being complete without him, and I just have to work through it. Itmay take longer than I thought!!! Please know you are not alone.
Hang in there Carlene, and thank you for your share.
You all sound like such nice people. Terri W, I am wishing you the best and wishing Ms. Rabon the best as well.
Sincerely,
S.
stephanielastname@aol.com
Thank you S. for your words of support for Terri W and Ms.Rabon.
I’m 34 years old, recently lost my husband three weeks ago to an unexpected heart attack. I’ve been having 7 or more paralyzing anxiety attacks a day. I get them when I leave the house, when I’m washing dishes, when I’m in the shower, wake up having them, etc. They are so bad that I have actually thrown up. I went to my doctor and she told me to use Essential Oils, Niacin, and Omega-3s, that medication would hinder the grieving process and make my emotions worse. I am extremely angry. I have always had social anxiety, depression, mood disorder. With this loss I lost my best friend, my companion, the only man I ever trusted with my life, my future with him. He was my entire world and that was taken from me. The stress and anxiety on top of the emotional issues already are making it so very hard for me to get out of bed. I tried going back to work and ended up in a paralyzing anxiety attack in the bathroom and had to leave. I’m about to lose my vehicle because his income paid for it, we were not married long enough for me to qualify for any benefits, I had just started a new job but it had not kicked in yet, actually 8 days after he passed away. My life has fallen apart and they wanted to give me supplements that were going to take at least 3 weeks before taking full effect plus the Niacin causes unwanted hot flashes and sweats. I have people telling me I need to get over it life doesn’t stop because someone dies or I don’t know why people make such a big deal out of death. I’ve tried supplements, essential oils, meditation… all of that for the last 15 years to help with moods and anxiety and it never worked for me. I’m at a loss I cannot see another doctor because of my insurance and cannot see a specialist without my doctors referral so I guess for now I’ll deal with the anxiety the best I can and minimized triggers.
Sabrina, I’m sorry for your losses and your current situation. As a start for healing and recovery, please consider taking the anxiety test. This can quantify how much stress and anxiety you have, and will give you recommendations on getting started with eradicating anxiety.
The comment about shock absorbers is so WRONG. I am perfectly capable of handling everything. For many years I handled almost everything regarding finances and kids, home, repairs, etc. I married my second husband who was my daily companion, best friend, love of my life. We were putting our lives together after each of our divorces and kids had grown. He died suddenly. I had NO SHOCK ABSORBERS, few friends, no money, ostracized from family, attacked unnecessarily by strangers professing to be grief specialists, family members who attacked me publicly with lies, not allowed to attend my husband’s funeral, and the list goes on. No one to help me handle anything to carry on, hence anxiety off the charts and no shock absorbers. I live in shock far too often in a world where selfish, uncaring people cannot be trusted. I live with sadness, anxiety, depression and at an age where no one will hire me in spite of my skills, so I can’t even find a distraction. When I tell people I’m ready to end my useless, meaningless life, they say it’s selfish. No, what’s selfish is all the people who know I’m alone, leave me alone, don’t check on me, then want to stay in an empty, meaningless life and come off the shelf when they want it so THEY feel better. Basically, life has my back against the wall, even if I am intelligent and do what I can to find a sensible solution. I don’t see any sensible solutions to putting the shattered pieces of my life back together. I’m burned out trying to do it again and again, but getting nowhere, thanks to a selfish world with plenty of advice but no caring actions.
Ms. Goldie, I’m sorry to hear about your loss. But although you were capable of handling everything before your husband’s death, you may now be suffering from depression and anxiety, from what you shared. When you have depression and/or anxiety disorder, then your previous coping abilities are put to the test, and when you can’t cope any longer, that’s when you become depressed and anxious. And having no “shock absorbers” only adds to the problem. Please consider seeing your doctor for an assessment, and possible treatment.
After spending my entire existence with my soul mate / husband / BFF, I am now a 57-year-old widow. He passed on from metastatic lung cancer that spread to the brain. However, in addition to dealing with EVERYTHING else I’ve been reading here (anxiety, depression, paranoia, panic, etc), I’m also an atheist, an only child, and a loner. I haven’t seen THAT combination before (widow-loner-atheist-only child). I have no friends; never wanted any. I don’t make friends easily. I feel awkward around people. My husband was the ONLY person in the world who brought out the human in me. Now that he’s gone, I don’t even know who I am anymore. I feel awkward around everyone, even our two adult children, with whom I get along and whom I love. My conversations with people feel stifled, hesitant, unnatural. Will I lose my sense of humor? Will I become boring? Will I lose my sense of self? I sorely miss these things. With my husband, I grew, developed, expanded, laughed, danced, joked. I haven’t danced or had a good belly laugh since he died. I’m scared. PS–I go to therapy and take some useless crap called Celexa, but the therapy doesn’t do squat. Guess that’s because true change comes from within. But what if the “within” part is withering away? Any answers out there???
Thank you for sharing. It appears you may benefit from a support group, one that is not run by professionals…one that is run by other people who are grieving. Attending a support group may be the last thing you are thinking about, considering your social isolation, but it may help you to connect with others and have them validate your experiences- this in itself may be comforting. Ask your therapist about local support groups in your area.
I’m actually posting about my mother and how I can help her deal with my father’s death. My dad had suffered from a chronic illness for over 25 years but had always overcome it. Then he became unexpectedly ill last March, suffering a massive stroke in early April and deteriorating in just three weeks. The verdict finally came two days before he died, undiagnosed digestive and liver cancer. He died of organ failure. My mother and father were everything to each other for over 42 years, my mom depended on him for everything and he was her one and only friend and companion. After his death my family (husband and 2 kids) moved in to help take care of her and so she wouldn’t be alone. Despite having my two sisters and I to support her in every way, there are days my mother can barely function. She suffers from osteoarthritis which has gotten chronically worse since my dad died. I’m convinced that her emotional state has contributed to her physical deterioration. She also has a history of high blood pressure and mini strokes. She takes medicine for her conditions but lately she has stopped eating regularly unless I make it for her. She seems to find no joy in anything. If she sees something on TV or somewhere out in the area that she and my dad would have enjoyed she comments in t but then says oh well no point on doing it now. It’s like she refuses to even try to find any joy in her life. My sister had her first baby in January and even that has done little to lift her spirits. I’m not worried about her committing suicide her religious views are too strong for that (she’s terrified to do anything to jeopardize her soul’s ability to reunite with my dad) but I’m afraid that she may indirectly harm herself by willing herself to die by refusing to care for herself. I do what I can but I can only do so much. It’s getting to a point that she won’t shower,
feed herself or even leave the house. I realize her pain is terrible and there is little she can take in the way of Medicine to help, but I’m convinced if my dad were still alive she would be much more active and involved even with the arthritis. We tried individual counseling and she refused to go back after a few visits saying she wasnt getting anything from it that she felt like the counselor was just telling her what she felt that she wanted to hear and that it was empty words. She can’t take anti depressants because of her medical conditions and medicines. And I know my mother she is a clingy person who doesn’t like a lot of strangers so group therapy probably won’t help either. She is a stubborn woman who makes up her mind and isn’t inclined to change it. She had become critical and demanding of me lately expecting to me keep up things in the house just as she and my dad did and I also have a chronic illness and a family of my own to care for and it’s very difficult for me to meet her expectations. She apologizes but then turns right around and does it again. I can’t deal much longer but don’t want to abandon her or make her feel worse about her situation. I don’t know how to help her any suggestions are appreciative.
I’m sorry for your loss. With your father’s death occurring 1 year ago, your mother’s deteriorating condition might be attributed to clinical depression. I would recommend a referral to a psychiatrist, preferably one who specializes in geriatric psychiatry. Geriatric psychiatrists are experts at treating the elderly, and are able to incorporate the multiple medical problems that may contribute to their mental state. Thank you for sharing, and good luck.
I lost my husband going on 3 years now. don;t believe it, it never gets better. If you have never lived it you cannot possibly counsel anyone.My husband died at 63 we were married for 43 yrs, and I was unable to have children. I have no friends.I stay in my house everyday no motivation to do anything I am 65 yrs old now. The depression is horrible, I almost feel like I am being punished or suffering. People tell me I should try dating , I have no interest or confidence or feel guilty. that it would be wrong. So I think everyday I am just waiting to die now I guess some people can move on and go about their lives. you see people and couples and they seem so happy but for me I can’t imagine ever being happy again
Cheryl, I’m sorry for your loss. You are right…unless you have lived it, then you can’t counsel anyone. This is why support groups are important, for people who have similar losses. I encourage you to find this support in your community. I also encourage you to speak with your doctor, as you may now be suffering from clinical depression.
I’m 11 months into being a widow. I found my husband dead on kitchen floor the morning of New Years Eve. Heart attack. 48 yrs old. My daughter tried to do CPR. I feel as if even though I seem to be doing well that i am not. I can’t put my finger on it but maybe I do need help processing it all. My marriage was no bed of Roses but we were married 21 years. As of late I’m having these bizarre feelings that come over me. They freeze me on the spot. It’s like a panic attack my mind is focusing on something in my sub conscience and i get a horrible hot feeling go through my body. It’s happening a lot lately. Not sure if this is anxiety or what. I’ve tried to sort of diagnose myself but I know that’s just dumb.
I’m sorry for your loss. Sounds like you may be exhibiting severe anxiety and panic attacks. Yes, please seek professional help soon.
My husband passed away 4 years ago from colon cancer,I didn’t take any anti-depressant meds but I swam to cope with it and I had regular group and private counselling.
I experienced anxiety / panic attack pains then. I got prescription to manage the pain when I couldn’t handle it. I didn’t have it for 3 years now, except this week. Next week, is my late husband’s birthday. Could this trigger the pain? I am still swimming and going counselling. And I haven’t had it in a while, What could cause this to happen now again?
Thanks for your input, and everyone sharing here, Thanks for sharing and the Lord of comfort w=be with you all.
Sorry to hear about your loss. Anniversaries and birthdays of a loved one who died is a huge trigger for the pain, anxiety, and depression. Joining a support group in your area may be helpful. Thanks for your share.
Hello Me…
What you are describing feels similar to what and how I feel. I have two daughters/son-in-laws and grand-children. My husband passed unexpectedly and we had been together since I was in high school and he was in college. We were married 36 years to almost the day. We were very close. I feel as if I have lost my entire life. It was 4 years in January. I worked, never took any time off except for when he entered the hospital, passed, then the funeral. The very next Monday I was back to work. Worked until this past April (2017) when i sold the home that we built together. Had a situation occur with a girl who lived with me until I could sell the house. Then everything from that point fell apart. I have been on disability with severe depression and pseudo dementia. I struggle with anxiety and depressipn almost every moment of my day. My kids love me and I them but i am afraid of being alone and have tried to find ways to make myself feel better. I go to therapy but it doesn’t seem to be helping but continue to go to maintain my disability. The disability company is now requiring a neuropsychological exam which is about 8 hours. If they force me back to work I feel that I won’t be able to perform at the level I use to and my mind doesn’t operate like it use to as I am afraid to make mistakes and I am constantly watched now from a performance perspective. I am terrified and really have no one to speak with about this. I have never experienced anything like this and don’t know what to do.
You are not alone…thank you for sharing.
Sorry for your loss. Your psychiatrist can help you to maintain your disability while you are in treatment and recovering. Your psychiatrist and family doctor can both advocate on your behalf to the disability company.
I don’t need something to take every day. My family doctor give me Zoloft 1 mg and I broke it in too. Now my husband passed and family doctor passed 3 months after that. My daughter has moved in and can’t work. My doctor give me Zoloft because I needed something for stress and sometimes to help me sleep. I have had Aorita repatriation almost 10 years ago. Sometimes I just need something. Is this something I can take? I don’t have a family doctor yet.
Sorry for your losses. If your doctor recommended it, then it is worth a try for anxiety relief.
After a very stressful 4 days visiting our daughter who pulls on again/off again Estrangement and uses the 8 and 14 yr old grandchildren as pawns, my husband dropped dead of cardiac arrest on our kitchen floor. Its been 6 months w/ the holidays coming on.
I met him in high school and he was the love of my life, we did everything together, and was my “safe person” due to my anxiety, panic attacks, and driving AGORAPHOBIA.
Our son was killed 30 yrs ago.
She/daughter has stolen huge amounts of money from us but acts angelic, Her best friend is similar.
My doc of the past 9 yrs has Rx’d me 5 mg Diazepam which has helped me in the past. I take a half a tab daily, one tab just makes me feel more tired but I have 2 pets to care for. I am a Highly Sensitive Person. I have an older brother who has told me to “SNAP OUT OF IT” w/ each sudden death. No supportive relatives/few other widow friends in a state w/ few resources. My BP was fine, I lost 15 lbs that I did not need to lose. I am so hurt by my daughter and my brother.
I am 6 months from his death. I can not just go on like this. If only I could drive…
I’m sorry for you loss Marie. Have you looked into support groups in your area? Also, please follow-up with your family doctor, as you may need a referral to a therapist or psychiatrist.
Three years ago I lost my wife of 11 years. Cancer. I was 52 at the time. I waited two years to make a huge change. I sold everything and moved half way across the USA. I now live near my only child and my three granddaughters. I use prescribed medication for anxiety but nothing for depression. I don’t want to feel sad all the time. My sadness distracts me from helping my son raise our girls. I am thinking of looking for a group of people who have experienced same kind of loss. Any suggestions where to begin?
Sorry for your loss. Start with the local hospital- they usually support bereavement groups for those who have lost loved ones.