More details to the question
My boyfriend seems to have intimacy issues, and appears to have sexual performance anxiety. It is really ruining our relationship and makes me wonder if he only has performance anxiety with me or if he had it with other girls as well. He’s not able to get an erection, but I’ve seen him watch porn and he had no problems with that at all.
Answer to the question
If your man has performance anxiety, it can have a big impact on sexual intimacy. If your man seemingly is not able to get erect, it can make you feel inadequate, and you might wonder if you have any sex appeal. So when you have sex, and your man is not able to perform, your man may be very hard on himself, and you may feel unattractive.
With regards to performance anxiety in the bedroom, it is not just your man’s problem. You can contribute negatively to this problem, which then makes the problem worst. So let’s walk through the typical scenario- you are both in bed, and when the time comes for sexual intimacy, he is not able to get erect. The way to handle this differently and more effectively is to talk with your man about this, that this may be performance anxiety. Certainly, a visit to his doctor can confirm if there are any medical problems that are contributing to his erectile dysfunction. If there are no medical problems, then performance anxiety should be highly suspected.
When you talk to your man that this may be performance anxiety, he may be relieved, and the pressure is off to perform. Instead of focusing on sex, the two of you should focus on having fun together, going on dates- basically, just enjoying each other’s presence, without the pressures of sex. As you and your man spend more time having fun and connecting to one another, then your sexually intimacy will come about naturally.
So when you talk to your man that his sexual functioning may be related to performance anxiety, then he will most likely feel relieved that you indeed understand. And when you take the focus away from sex, and transfer it into relational intimacy, then your sexual intimacy will come about in the future, naturally, without all the pressures of having to perform.
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